Me: *during sex* ....i think i hear someone coming....
girl: ....who?
me: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *bust nut*

wincestplease:

daddyjared:

u disrespect sam then u disrespect me

image

(via sammysheaven)

shego:

shout out to people who have seen you naked but you can still have regular conversations with

(via asian)

ezrakoenig:

hearing your favourite song on the radio is 5000x more exciting than hearing it on your ipod.

(via wordsofjequa)

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

What Derrick was saying during the toast before production cut him off… (via acatonaleash)

(via wordsofjequa)

Natasha: He killed 80 people in three days
Loki: I came out to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now

justazombiewithakeyboard:

butcarlthatkillspeople:

sarcastic-snowflake:

just a reminder: we’re two periods away from 2014.

you couldn’t just say months you had to measure time with your menstrual cycle

fUN FACT. the earliest form of a calender that’s ever been found was to keep track of an ancient person’s menstrual cycle. ppl with vaginas invented time. there is a reason that months are about the same length as the time between periods. that is all.

(via sweetbabycheesus)

megmcmuffins:

Based on this tweet…

Everybody puts odds on how many they can stick to his arm before he notices.

I had a ton of people ask me why Clint wasn’t joining in on the magnet game. He was just biding his time of course.

[part 1]

(via xxconfettiitsaparade)